


Meanwhile

by spaze_cat



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012)
Genre: Incest, Incestual relationship, Inspired Work, M/M, One-Shot, not mine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-16
Updated: 2016-07-16
Packaged: 2018-07-24 07:00:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7498659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaze_cat/pseuds/spaze_cat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by ChickInRed's "Unraveled," I wanted to write out my ideas of how Raph (and the brothers) might have handled Donatello's disappearance/running away. Most of it's for sads and angst, but because I can't write a sad ending to anything, I gave this a bit of a light at the end of the tunnel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Meanwhile

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Unraveled](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5924961) by [ChickInRed](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChickInRed/pseuds/ChickInRed), [Ikara](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ikara/pseuds/Ikara). 



_You failed him._

It was the first thought that hit him when he found out. His mate had run away, and taken their children with him. His mate no longer trusted him to protect their babies, to keep them safe, and so he’d taken the burden upon his own shoulders and abandoned him.

Raphael had failed Donatello.

The second thought that hit him was one that came from somewhere deeper in his mind. It came from a feral place, some closed off area of his brain where primal, instinctual thoughts sparked into desires and passions and action.

_Find your mate. Convince him otherwise. He belongs to you._

So when Leo continued crying out for Don despite knowing his mate was no longer there, and when Mikey stood in the doorway to the lab rigid confusion and sorrow and fear, Raphael did what his instincts told him to do.

He took action.

His family must have thought he was going to wallow in misery in his room for a while. The tears streaming down his face were enough to make them think so, to convince them to leave him alone for a while. Raphael barely registered them. He was surprised when he noticed them.

Sad? Of course he was sad. He was _heartbroken_. But more than anything he was determined, and that was a fuel that burned so much hotter than the sorrow that it drowned every other feeling out. Raphael was crying, sobbing, but all he could feel was the need to locate his mate, to make sure that even if Don didn’t want it, Raph would be there to keep him safe.

So he grabbed his gear and left the lair. He didn’t even know where to go, but on some level, he must have, because his body was moving him forward. He felt confident, somehow, that he would find his brother. That he would convince him to come back home.

Raphael didn’t ever want to see that look in Mikey’s eyes again. He wanted Leo’s cracking, desperate voice to stop calling Donnie’s name from inside his head, where the noise echoed because nothing else was going on in there.

Raphael took his stealth bike for several reasons. It was fast, for one. He would be able to find Donnie in no time. He only had several hours on them at best; Splinter had offered him food some hours ago and he’d _heard_ Don’s voice reply to their father.

Second was its namesake; stealth. With the bike, he could ride around during the day, as long as he didn’t stop to get out and walk around. Though he doubted he would do that unless he actually laid eyes on Don, and even then he was sure his ninja training would prevent him from being that foolish.

The last reason Raph took the stealth bike was because it reminded him of Donnie. He’d built the thing from scratch, customized it for Raph because he knew this would be _his_. The Shellraiser was for all of them, and they each had one of those karts that came together and detached when needed, but this baby was _designed_ for Raph. He knew it because the seat fit his shell perfectly, and his was slightly wider than the rest of his brothers’.

Don had made this with Raph in mind, and now Raph would use it with Don in mind.

* * *

* * *

The first day was the greatest, because Raphael was so sure he’d find his brother that he didn’t even need to hope.

But then a day went by. Then a week. One month. Two.

And Raphael was a mess.

He knew he was. What little time he spent outside of his room was spent in the dojo, training until he couldn’t feel his arms or legs, and then he’d just lay there on the floor and stare at the ceiling for a while until he could walk again. Sometimes he’d stop and recognize he needed to give his body a break. Other times, he’d get up and do it all over again.

The rest of his family came together in order to grieve. None of them had given up hope, least of all April, but their spirits were the lowest they’d ever been. They looked for Don every chance they could, but it wasn’t enough.

They were never enough. _He_ was never enough.

With a grunt, Raphael continued to pummel the training dummy to pieces, feeling the tendons in his arm stretch painfully at his extended workout. He reminded himself that pain was only in the mind, and that he’d need to push past those mental barriers if he ever had any hope of convincing Don to come back.

Of course, before he could do that he needed to find him first.

Raphael roared and grabbed the dummy by its shoulders, tearing him down from his post and tossing him to the floor. He tackled the thing and began violently stabbing at it with his sai.

Suddenly, his arms were forced still, snapping Raph out of the crazed haze he’d fallen into. He turned his head up to see his father looking down on him with an expression of utter sorrow.

“My son,” he said softly, soothing but dripping with misery.

Raph could tell he wanted to talk, but even after two months of this, he was still not ready for that conversation. So he dropped his weapons, prompting Splinter to let go of his arms. He stood up, dusted himself off, and looked his father in the eye.

“I’m going to my room,” he said calmly, waiting respectfully for Splinter to nod before doing so.

As soon as the door was closed, Raphael shattered.

* * *

* * *

Raphael whimpered and curled tighter into himself, tensing in anticipation for the chorus of angry, self-disgusted thoughts to once again grow louder in his mind.

_Your mate abandoned you because you failed to protect him. You were too weak to keep them safe, so he ran away with them._

“Shut up,” he mumbled, inaudible over the music he’d turned up to drown out his episode. It was the third one today, and they were only getting worse. “He needs me.”

_What about his behavior makes you think that? He clearly doesn’t trust you, and it’s not hard to see why. You’re sitting in here wallowing in misery instead of going out and looking for him. Find your mate, dumbass._

“He’s not here,” he answered his thoughts, “He’s not in the city. I can’t… I can’t feel him anywhere near here. He must’ve gone too far…”

“Raphael?” Raph stiffened and sat up immediately as he heard the distinct voice of Leo at his bedroom door. “How… How are you?”

“I’m fine,” Raph answered, making sure not to respond too quickly. “I’m just…”

“Thinking of him,” Leo finished for him. Raph heard a very light thud against his bedroom door and knew Leo had gently let his head fall against it. “We all are.”

“I was trying to think of some way to track him down,” Raph covered.

He knew he wouldn’t fool anyone, especially not Leo, by flat out denying he missed Donnie – and he didn’t want them thinking he didn’t care – but he didn’t have to tell them just how much it got to him. They knew about his fits of rage, about his shutting himself up in his room and fighting out the pain in the dojo. But he didn’t want anyone knowing about his episodes, or the ever-present dull ache in his chest that refused to go away.

“Raph,” came Leo’s voice from the other side of the door. It was so soft, so tired, so broken and done with pretending none of them felt entirely incomplete. Raphael closed his eyes as Leo’s voice cracked. “Please, just let me in.”

And Raph knew he could deny him no longer. He hadn’t locked the door, but what Leo was asking was not just for permission to enter his room.

Before all of this, before they had discovered just how much they all meant to each other, Raph would have refused. Letting anyone in, especially Leo, was a worse torture than needles being stuck in his eyes. It was humiliating, exhausting, and in the end, it just made Raphael feel too vulnerable, like he’d opened himself up for attack.

It was all their years of falling for each other, of memorizing each scar on the other’s body, of growing closer than ever before that led to Raphael’s answer.

“Come in.”

* * *

* * *

Leo curled up beside Raph and the two of them talked. Talked about how it felt like they were being drained, like someone had taken a piece of their soul out and run far away with it, leaving them unbalanced, in a perpetually weakened state.

They talked for hours, and eventually Mikey joined them, because he wasn’t about to be left out, and no one wanted to push him away anyways. So he stayed, and for once in his life he kept his mouth shut. He wrapped his arms around Raph and clung to him like a baby koala, staring at Leo on the other side of Raph.

They stayed up late into the night just talking, Mikey listening. Talking about their feelings had gotten rid of the sting, but they still had the ache to take care of, and that only came with a feasible plan – something they’d failed to come up with for two months.

As usual, they could think of no new ideas. Donnie had certainly been very careful when he ran off, knowing how his brothers could find him and taking all the precautions to keep them from doing so. If the genius didn’t want to be found – as was most certainly the case – then he wasn’t going to be found. Not by any of his own devices, at least.

Raphael was getting antsy when he realized their conversation was moving in circles, and was about to put an end to it when he smelled it.

Donnie.

 _Mine_.

It took all of a millisecond for Raph to pinpoint where the smell was coming from. It was so faint he hadn’t even detected it this entire time, but now, with his senses heightened in his agitation, he caught the faintest whiff of the familiar scent.

There, wrapped delicately around Mikey’s neck, was one of Donnie’s worn, old masks. Just as Raph leaned in to give it another tentative sniff, Mikey held it up to his own snout and sniffed it himself.

“Smells like him,” Mikey said, speaking for the first time since entering the room. “I found it in one of his drawers in his room yesterday. Here.”

Mikey easily untied the mask from his neck and handed it to Raph, who immediately held it up to his snout and took a deep inhale. The scent was faint, but it was such a familiar, loved smell that Raph would recognize it anywhere.

 _Follow_.

Raph blinked at the sudden desire. Those feral thoughts had made a brief appearance. Much like when his mind clouded over during Don’s cycle in Spring, his brother’s scent was still affecting him with just the faintest whiff.

_Find. Mate. Follow. Defend. Claim._

The primal urges washed over him, making him tremble for just a moment. He felt his brother’s eyes watching him, and knew he’d have to explain to them what just happened to him, and what he'd just realized. He could smell Don like a bloodhound during Spring, when his instincts overruled his conscious thought. If he let himself slip into that animalistic state, the smell became that much clearer. 

Maybe, if he allowed himself to slip into that state, if he abandoned all rational thought and gave in to his physical senses...

“Guys," he said, "I think I know how we’re going to find Donnie.”


End file.
